either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
