Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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