I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
