I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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