you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
