Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
