I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
