new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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