she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
