I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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