What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
