Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
