is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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