Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
