sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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