You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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