dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
