Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
