just come out here and I will go home with you...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
