it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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