Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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