Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
