Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
