whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
are you so shy because you have an std?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
