if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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