there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
