A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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