I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I see more hoeing in ur future
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
