I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
only if we run a train.
done.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
