Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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