His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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