Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize