Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
