so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
