Cold hands, warm shart.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Too much gin, very little bucket
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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