I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
