I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
...so i touched it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
