I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
