Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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