he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
