i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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