Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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