I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
