I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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