3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
