Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
