Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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