Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
