then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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