That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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