i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
