saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
