I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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