I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
