His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
