i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
