She said her name was "party"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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