I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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