True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
