Banned from zoo.
Again?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
