I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize