you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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