you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
